Jeer Joker: Английский юмор и ему сопутствующее

Italian in London

Aнекдот про итальянского дедушку, который с характерным акцентом просил две пиццы и вилку на стол и простыню на кровать, так что получались сплошные непристойности.

The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel
Roma 28 Sept. 2006

Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed?
So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit".
They tella me: "Go to toilet".
I say: "No, no I wanta shit in my bed".
They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch".
What is sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast.
I tella waitress: "I wanta piss".
She tella me: "Go to toilet".
I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate".
She then say to me: "You bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch".
This is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna-wa-bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock.
I tella waitress: "I wanta fock".
And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock".
I tella her: "No, no you don't understanda me, I wanta fock on the table".
She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!"
How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad manner?
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more.
When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me:
"Thank you, and piss on you".
I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy".
Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.
Dicci Elgre.

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