Blog: Нерегулярные интересности и заметки о всяком разном

Puns, tips and black stuff

Two peanuts walk into a bar. The one was a-salted.


Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.
Judge: What?
Lawyer" He's in a cent.
Judge: You're going to jail with him.


Q: What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: Cat claws at the end of paws. Comma pause at the end of a clause.


Q: Why do words, phrases and punctuation keep ending up in court?
A: To be sentenced.


The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.


Be a pineapple. Stand tall, wear a crown and be sweet inside.


If you’re not part of the solution, be part of the problem!


Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


They say slaves were uneducated. False! They all had their masters.


They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave. I killed him before he could cause any harm.


They say all races are equal no matter if you're black, brown, yellow or normal.


A boy asks his Dad, "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs, when their thumbs are not green?"
The Dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing they say they have been caught "red handed" even though their hands are actually black."


I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw yesterday. He hypnotized seven guys then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled "Fuck me!". What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


- I'd like to have some chili.
- I'm sorry, sir, but this is a Japanese restaurant.
- Oh, rearry! I'd rike to have some chiri.


- What's the diagnosis, doctor?
- What is your zodiac sign?
- Cancer.
- What a coincidence!


- My great grandparents were in a concentration camp.
- So was my granpa. He died there.
- Oh, sorry to hear that.
- Yeap. Poor fella fell out of the guard tower.


I am a social vegan. I avoid meet.


If you visit the National Air and Space Museum you might think the title is misleading, because it is actually full of stuff.

category: Blog
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Комментарии  

# Татьяна Скворцова 05.07.2017 13:07
Улыбнуло)))
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# O.R-i 18.07.2017 15:22
awesome!!!!)))
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