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Леди и джентльмены!
Сегодня нет определенной и узко-направленной темы, но поскольку мы денно и нощно бдим нашу приверженность английскому юмору, в данном посте выложим несколько относительно коротких и несвязанных между собой текстов, уровень юмора в которых находится на должной высоте.

Ну-с, зачнем-с без лишних предваряющих слов!

Роберт Фрост, шарж, карикатура, Robert FrostАмериканский поэт Роберт Фрост известен не только стихами, но и своими умными, хлесткими высказываниями, частью из которых мы не так уж и редко пользуемся.
Вот некоторые из них:
- Good fences make good neighbours.
- The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
- I never dared to be radical when young not to be conservative when old.
- A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
- If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.
- I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed.
- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

Блистательный экспромт в исполнении Роберта Фроста.

After a dinner party Robert Frost and the other guests went out onto the veranda to have a rest, smoke and watch the sunset.
"Oh, Mr. Frost, isn't it a lovely sunset?" exclaimed a young woman.
"I never discuss business after dinner," Frost replied immediately.

Напоследок анекдот о Роберте Фросте и Уильяме нашем Шекспире.

In a pub two of the world's greatest poets sat - Robert Frost and William Shakespeare.
They were to have a contest to find out which one is better at poetry. They were to use the word "Timbuctu" in a sentence.
They drew straws to see who would go first. Shakespeare won and went first.

I travelled through the far and distant sands,
To observe the ever soft and shifting sands,
A foreign vessel loomed into view,
It's destination Timbuctu!

Robert Frost was next.

Tim and I a hiking we went,
Spied three maidens in a tent.
They were three, we were two.
I bucked one and Timbuctu!

Радиопередача в mp3 о Роберте Фросте

Гавансккие сигары Now will you read a short and funny joke.

Один достопочтенный английский джентльмен прикупил коробочку очень дорогих и редких сигар. Таких дорогих и редких, что он их даже застраховал, среди всего прочего и от пожара.

Через месяц сигары кончились, а он даже не внес первый взнос по полису. Этот факт не помешал достопочтенному джентльмену обратиться в страховую компанию с заявлением, что сигары были утрачены в связи с "серией маленьких пожаров".

Компания платить отказалась, резонно ответив, что, собственно, он употребил сигары самым естественным и единственно предназначенным для сигар образом.

Джентльмен, однако, обратился в суд и выиграл дело.

В судебном решении судья признал, что исковое заявление, прямо скажем, несерьезно, но в то же время в наличии имеется страховой полис, сигары застрахованы от огня, и этот полис не определяет "желательность" или "допустимость" каких-либо видов огня. Так что страховщикам следует заплатить.

Страховщики не стали заморачиваться с долгими апелляциями и выплатили 15000 фунтов за "сгоревшие" сигары.

Впрочем, насладиться новыми халявными сигарами достопочтенному джентльмену не удалось, поскольку сразу после получения наличных по чеку он был арестован.

На основании того же самого полиса и своих же свидетельских показаний на суде, он был обвинен в 24 эпизодах умышленного уничтожения застрахованного имущества через поджог.

Итог нового процесса - 24 месяца тюрьмы и 24000 фунтов штрафа.

The latest joke for today - now in English.

Water-closetIn the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local Schoolmaster.
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a 'WC' which stands for 'Water Closet'.
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the 'WC'.

The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of 'WC'. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a 'Wayside Church' near the house... a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

- - - - -
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house.
It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.
As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC, as it was there, that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all, since many feel it is long needed.
I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
- - - - -

The Woman fainted reading the reply... and she never visited India!

category: Blog
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